A BRAND IS BORN

Today I’m going to give you a backstage pass in the exciting world of brand design, here at TLA.

I admit, technically this isn’t a film review. Hell, it isn’t even figuratively one- but I was told I could blog about “whatever,” so let’s see if that holds. If my posts stop, and I am later found, gnawed at by rats and cannibals in a back alley in Chinatown… well, you know what happened. Raise your glass to another patriot who died for his convictions.

For me, the process began about a week ago. I was told that we will be unveiling a new review blog, angled towards our gay male market. After much deliberation in the editorial and marketing departments, I was presented with the name of the new blog: “Homo Pop.”

Now when you’re presented with something like this as a designer, your job isn’t to make copy suggestions- it’s to “make it work.” (Project Runway can’t sue me for just saying that, right?) I’m not ashamed to admit that at first I was stumped. To the writer, and to the designer, the blank page is terrifying. You pace, think you’re nowhere, call your friends and ask for their condolences on your impending demise, appeal to higher powers that you don’t believe in, and then suddenly- you have something. Hammer it out in a flurry, and pass out in a pool of your own sick.

Well, that’s my usual process, anyhow. Don’t try it at home kids, I’m a professional. This time it was a little different. Around midnight I had a mighty hunger, a hunger so mighty that I actually walked down the block to the Chinese food place that seems to sustain itself primarily off of the “business” provided by crackheads and drifters.

While waiting in line, I blithely struck up a casual conversation with several of these crackheads about the economy, in particular the bailout and shrinking buying power of the greenback. One of the aforementioned crackheads made a brilliantly apt point: that he would love a bailout himself, in part, I would assume, to help him get some much needed fake teeth. It’s “corporate welfare,” another pointed out, while swilling an oily, paper-bag sheathed 40. (He offered me a swig. I politely declined.) These were some smart crackheads, I’ve got to tell you.

At this point I found myself staring at the wall, and my eyes drifted to an ad for popsicles and ice cream. There, in garish and awful Technicolor, was the solution to my problem. Eureka! Homo Pop. It’s a fucking popsicle.

Of course!

I pulled out my iPhone and quickly snapped a photo. This terrified several of the crackheads, and one of them asked me if I was “with the government.” (“No,” I replied ominously. “This is for… research.”)

Following this, the usual design process ensued. I won’t bore you with the details of the real meat of the design process- revisions, meetings, crying, revisions, masturbation, meetings, meanwhile my kidneys scream in pain from all the caffeine I’m force-feeding them. (Another element of my ‘creative process’: I punch them, scream “you like it, bitch!” and keep going. ) Here’s the final result:

Make sure to check out the blog when we launch it!

In case if you were just skimming this and need the cliff-notes now, here they are: new blog coming soon, a really unnecessary reference to Project Runway possibly for SEO reasons, some useless rambling about creativity, a group of surprisingly informed crackheads, and Chinese food.

Oh, if you’re wondering, the General Tso’s wasn’t bad.

--James Curcio.